I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
