I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
