I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
