You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
