Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"

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(480): View more from Arizona

You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

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(770): View more from Georgia

i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

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(917): View more from New York City

Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite

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(785): View more from Kansas

Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me

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