Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
