Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize