No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
