btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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