so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
