I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
