You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
