Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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