Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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