She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
