He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
