Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
