Can i not drive my cunt home
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
