the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
