Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
