we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
