If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
