Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
