My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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