Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
