I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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