Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
