I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize