He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
