Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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