the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
