OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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