If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
