a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
