I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
