we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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