I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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