Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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