I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
