I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
