Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
