Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
