Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
