Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
