I just saw a hot homeless man
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
