her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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