Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
