Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Im part way to drunk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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