She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
