I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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