so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
