My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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