Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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