There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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