The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
