I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize