Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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