I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
