Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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