i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
