I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
