I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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