Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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