I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
