some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
smell my finger.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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