I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
