So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
