I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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