Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
