I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
