I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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