Someone shit on the floor
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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