pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
