you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
