I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
