I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
