He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Everyone says I win the strip club
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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